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Polyamory
My poly is not your poly
My poly is not your poly, but it's still poly, so you won’t need to explain the basics of a nested partner or the hierarchy vs anarchy framework.
There’s no need to defend the fact that more than one relationship can be real, meaningful, and worthy of care. I already know that. Which means we get to go straight to the actual work.
Sometimes what brings poly clients to therapy is not polyamory itself, but all the usual relationship stuff, with a few more moving parts. Communication strain. Fear. Jealousy. Misattunement. Old wounds getting activated across multiple dynamics. Sometimes it’s trying to work out what poly looks like for you, rather than squeezing yourself into some shiny version of what other people say it should be. Another box is still a box.
Feeling not fully seen
There can also be a particular kind of pain in not feeling that your relationships are fully seen. Maybe people tolerate the primary and politely ignore the depth of your other beautiful connections. Or worse, they expect you to do all the emotional labour of making your life legible to them. That gets old fast.
What’s often going on underneath is not that you are “doing poly wrong,” but (like in any relationship) relational wounds are being touched in a structure that asks for honesty, flexibility, and a whole lot of communication. If you have taken a few hits in life, that’s going to show up somewhere.
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The work here is not to make you fit a model
It is to help you feel more connected, more regulated, and freer inside your relationships. To find ways of communicating that work for you and your partners. To stop performing poly and instead, embody it in a way that feels like yours. To feel allowed to be excited about the life and loves you’ve chosen.
And importantly, to not have to translate yourself every five minutes. Our family may never understand it, but we can work towards them accepting it.
Book a free introductory call
If you’re considering therapy with me, the next step is to book a free introductory call.
This call is a no-pressure way of getting to know each other a little. You can ask questions, get a feel for how I work, and see whether we are a good fit for each other. Therapy is a relationship, and fit matters.