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Discovering the creature of you
It's hard to see past your problems when you're in them, when they are so close they blur your vision and block out the possibilities on the other side.
From an outside perspective, walking alongside you, I can see goals that you never thought to have, goals that were totally outside of your awareness. Chances are, you've found your way to this website because you'd like to reduce a symptom, maybe it’s anxiety, burnout, or a workplace conflict. These are valid and good goals to have and I absolutely intend to honour them and help you achieve that reduction. With your permission, though, there is one goal I have for everyone on this planet. One which I truly believe would make each individual's life better and ripple through the world, making it a better place as a whole.
When we feel joy or happiness, we engage with the activities of joy and happiness, and of course, we all want more of this. But this is not the only desirable state we can strive for, and we have been duped into believing that it is.
I despise the use of the word ‘negative’ in relation to emotion. We write lists of emotions and experiences, draw a line down the middle and right ‘positive’ on one column and ‘negative’ on the other, then we tear that list in half and discard the side we perceive as ‘undesirable’.
Yes, there is such a thing as excess emotion and misplaced emotion. And yes, this is not desirable or beneficial, and it's something therapy can absolutely help with.
Those emotions we try to throw away are signs of life and love
They are not just a painful symptom of existence that we should tolerate, like the cleaning we tolerate for the clean home we love! But if approached from a very different angle, they can be celebrated and embraced just the same as the paper you kept.
Things that are unwanted in some circumstances can be wanted in others. What if we made space for the experiences on the discarded piece of paper? What if we took the rage we felt earlier in the day towards our boss and embraced it when standing in front of an overgrown garden bed? What if we find some small thing we're afraid to do every day, so that when the big things come up, we have more resilience?
What if, we took a week off work and went on the road trip we were supposed to take with Mum before she died, and on that trip, listened to songs that remind us of her and ugly cry on the road; into the sea, and alone in a hotel room surrounded by candy wrappers and tissues.
When we actively find a place for these signs of life, they don't just help reduce the symptoms of excess and misplaced emotions; they become part of the rich complexity of life.
Imagine waking up one day
I want you to imagine waking up one day, and feeling safe, secure, and sure of yourself. No, nothing about your life has changed; you're still facing the same stresses and challenges, you just feel differently about them now. You don't panic about uncertainty, because now you're confident in your ability to roll with the punches when they arrive. You don't fight, flight, or freeze to fear anymore, because you've learned to notice it and not let it take the steering wheel, instead you can sit with it and show it why this dog is not like that dog that bit you as a child, and this man is not going to hurt you the way your father or ex did.
And most importantly, you can finally experience that sense of security you've fought so long for. You can lean on others, you have dropped the hypervigilance, and you walk through your day attuned to your body, aware of your thoughts and choosing activities that align with your needs and desires. No more questioning “why am I like this?” or “How will I cope with that situation?” You move through your life in a blissful state of awareness through the rise and fall of emotion and energy. You feel as much at peace with the torn-off, crumpled-up emotions as you did with the limited list you used to tolerate. And what's more, your capacity for joy and happiness has increased past the levels that used to have you checking over your shoulder. Your sense of self is certain; you know it’s not a solid, fixed point, but a malleable and alive creature, ready to meet the complexity of each moment with the specific parts of you that are best adapted to handle and enjoy the present moment.
Trusting the creature of you
I am by no means all the way there yet, I still have moments of excess and misplaced emotion myself, but more often than not, I now trust the ‘creature of me’, and I've been moved to tears countless times, when I notice myself handling a situation differently, situations which would have once reduced me to a panic attack, now passing by unnoticed, only later looking back to realise. I see a world made up of people sure of themselves, moving through life close to those they love, engaged with their passions, and reaching the grave able to state “it was all worth it.”
Book a free introductory call
If you’re considering therapy with me, the next step is to book a free introductory call.
This call is a no-pressure way of getting to know each other a little. You can ask questions, get a feel for how I work, and see whether we are a good fit for each other. Therapy is a relationship, and fit matters.